| i take that back...i suck at life. |
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| i suck at being a girl.  |
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| since i have so much spare time on my hands...i've been reading a lot. i usually read non-fiction books..but yvonne got me into reading the twilight series. i never thought i would give in to reading this book bc i honestly thought it was teeny bopperish and lame..esp bc of the movie...but i was wrong!! (i 'm not into robert pattinson and the movie is honestly not as dark as i would have made it..too teeny bopper )..... the book is sooooo good~ i've never felt so enchanted by a fictional character......i'm addicted. foo says that romance novels are a girl's porn.....i have to agree. |
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| submitted the first part of my application~ now i have to do my supplemental apps and prepare for interviews. huk. -.-;; i was in court for 8 hours today for jury duty~ man it was a long process ...the voir dire was almost 4 hours..and waiting around/lunch was probably like 2..we only heard 2 hours of the case..so i'm going to be there till wed...>.< this was my first time in court, so i was hoping that i wouldn't be called to the jury box bc i didn't want to be asked questions and i don't feel capable of determining someone's fate. but i was actually picked near the end and i didn't get dismissed -.-;; the lawyer asked me something about if i was a UT vols fan..and i said yeah..and then the judge said.."he's trying to indicate to you something" ..and then people laughed..but i don't get why they laughed? is it bc we SUCK? maybe i'm slow -.-;;
i called juno bc he said he can hook me up with a job, so there might be a possibility i might be working somewhere at the end of dec at kroger pharmacy..but i don't know if i want to really drive out that far. i'm not really in a rush to get a job..i'm still thinking about my choices of how i went to spend this year. my mom thinks it would be good if i went to korea..but i don't know if i want to be there that long. i'm thinking about substitute teaching for fun~ but i heard kids are soooo bad these days in public schools... anyhoo honestly i feel really worried that i don't get in this year..i think bc of the pressure my parents put on me and how they constantly tell me that i'm behind. i don't think i'm behind. it felt kind of refreshing to hear juno say today that things will happen when they're supposed to. people make it seem like a race..and that i might feel behind if i don't get in..but that all doesn't matter. we're going to be working for the rest of their lives, so why rush...just live life and go with the flow. |
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| i could write an entry that revealed the anger and hurt inside of my heart that i've kept in for so long,
or how crazy fucked up my life has been beyond from what i show on the surface..
or how much i want to seek revenge...
but that would be completely useless and messy.
God has been moving my heart. PJ told me that this year break that i have is actually a gift from God..this is a time for healing , rest, and growing ... i'm tired of having this dirty heart... it's time for me to forgive and seek healing. God didn't send His son so that we could remain broken..He sent His son so that we could live a wholistic life..He sent His son so that we could be free.
that means..if i choose to rise above this..i can bc He has given me ability to. i don't know how to do this..but i trust He will lead me.
i'm ready to find freedom and joy in His love bc i know of nothing else in this world that can make me whole... |
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